Book Review: Raising Respectful Children by Jill Rigby

A few months back I was approached by Howard Books to review Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World  by Jill Rigby .  I had just finished a bible study on parenting, so I was intrigued and wanted to continue this subject!

Jill Rigby has some wonderful points. For example, her comparison between Parent-Centered, Child-Centered and Character-Centered parenting. This is something that I find difficult to keep seperate, and find myself jumping into many different facets of each style. In Parent-Centered, the parent is concerned with molding the child  into what they want them to be, in giving them the attributes (publicly) that they want. In Child-Centered, they are giving the child what THEY want. (I have a good friend who is strongly Child-Centered in her parenting, and it's very interesting to see the negative effects of this, especially after having read this book.) Then there is Character-Centered, which seems the obvious answer. Teaching your child to have good character, both privately and publicly. Doing what is right, versus what seems fun, or ideal at the time.

One that really resonated with me was her advice to "Cut out the Maybe" in your answers, and thus saving yourself a day (or even week) long battle. If your answer is yes, say yes. If it is no, say no. You often know in the moment your child asks which way you are going to sway, so save yourself the battle. This is something I am horribly guilty of!

That said? There was plenty I did not believe with her on, as is typically the case with these types of books. (I like to think I have a unique parenting style, and I try to base my decisions on what is best for my child specifically.) But she brings up the Harry Potter series as well, and one of my biggest pet peeves is bringing up that book in Parenting. Why? Because it's a fictional book. FICTION. Make Believe. Not Real. And I am a huge advocate for teaching my child the different between real and pretend - and thus? I strongly feel that the mention of such pretend, made up, fictional literature has no place in a parenting book. (I see that word and I shut down - much the same for many other Hollywood references.) Besides, I'm a book-nerd who has a very special place in my heart for Harry Potter and other like books! (Witches, Wizards, Vampires and Warewolfs are such a fun escape from day-to-day life where my neighbor is just your average annoying old man, and I'm busy running six different directions as I lead up a local moms group, and several activities at church. It's just fun to escape into those things, and I hate the idea of even pretending to deny my daughter that magical escape as well!)

She also talks about the difference between Self-Respect and Self-Esteem. Which to me, was a bit narcissistic. It felt like she was pushing for one or the other, while I see huge benefits to having BOTH in your daily life. Self-Esteem is important, especially in this day of bullying. However, Self-Respect is also important, and I think there needs to be a balance between the two, where the author was encouraging Self-Esteem over Self-Respect.


In the end? I enjoyed Raising Respectful Children, but I'm not sure I would recommend it for everyone. You'd have to be one of two people: Those who blindly follow, or those who read everything with a very subjective eye, and are not easily offended or swayed but open to reflecting on your parenting styles anyway. I found some helpful tips, and was able to re-revaluate a few of my weaker spots in parenting. But overall? Much of her advice just wasn't for my family.

Even Mosquitoes??

 For Christmas Scribber got this awesome "Noah's Ark" Stained Glass kit from Melissa and Doug. (While I ADORE the Melissa and Doug line, the age on this kit was 6+ - an age that I thought was pretty accurate. There's a ton of SMALL pieces to be stuck to the "glass" and little fingers aren't the best at that kind of thing! So, I did what any sane mother would do... I hid it! 

Well, today she found it and begged and pleaded to do it. So, I gave in.

I was right, the small pieces were tough for her clumsy fingers!

But? It was an hour well spent - we had a blast. We talked about favorite animals (she really likes Bears - I think our recent trip to Alaska where we got to watch a Mama and her two cubs play may have had a hand in that answer! Where I'm more partial to cats, and Okapi's!) We talked about rain, which we both agreed would be fun to dance in! And we also came to the consensus that we don't get near enough of it here in Southern Colorado!

But we also talked a bit about the story of Noah's Ark. Sure, she's heard it before - in Sunday School and Awana's at church. And probably in a Veggie Tales episode. But we'd never really had a conversation - just she and I about it.

She got very serious, stopped what she was doing and looked at me.

"Mom, I wish Noah hadn't taken two mosquitoes. Then I wouldn't have gotten so many bites in Alaska. Or maybe he could've made a mistake. Maybe he should have taken two boys."

Man, I love this kid!!

(And I agree - he should have left the Mosquitoes off the Ark!!)

The Summer Vacation That Wouldn't End!!!

Stick with me - this could get long!! (And Photo heavy!)

WAY BACK on June 6, Skyler and I packed up our car and left for Nebraska. We drove to Grandma and Grandpa's house, then loaded up their car and drove with them to Chicago the next day!

There we had a mini family reunion of sorts! In Skyler's words: "We had a party for Cousin Nick, I played with my Chicago Cousin Jacob. Then we went to a baseball game and waved at Cousin Nick. Lots of people cried."

(Cousin Nick graduated from high school and joined the Navy - so it was a party for both of those accomplishments and then he was sworn in at a White Sox game!) We also hung around the Chicago area for a few days, celebrating Skylers birthday with our family from Illinois, as well as my Aunt and Uncle who live in California!

That was a great mini-vacation, full of yummy food (Chicago Pizza, anyone??) and lots of great time with family that we don't see often enough.

On June 12, we headed back to Lincoln. The plan was to spend a few days with Ryan's parents, and celebrate Skyler's birthday with all of our family in Nebraska. Which went as planned, lots of good food (geez - is that what vacation is all about?) and lots of fun again!

On June 18, we headed for Colorado. We made it almost halfway, to North Platte Nebraska. Then, at 80 miles per hour, my car lost all power. By some miracle, I made it the side of the road! I called my husband, in tears. My car was dead. I was in the middle of nowhere. It wouldn't start, it wouldn't crank. (And if you know any of the backstory with my Jetta - you know that I was certain it was the end of the car. )

He calmed me down and told me not to do anything. HA HA! What was I going to do? Hitch Hike? He hung up, with promises to call me back. Within 5 minutes I got a phone call from a 308 area code (Western Nebraska) - it was Ryan's Aunt! By no small miracle, she LIVED at the very exit where my car died! And? Her husband is a mechanic. They were coming to get me!!!

We spent the night in North Platte, with much thanks to my husbands family. (They are life savers!!) But they dealt us some bad news - it was the timing belt, and the engine had no compression. My beloved Jetta had met her end.

My parents arranged to come pick me up, Ryans Aunt was kind enough to let us stay the night until my parents could get there. She also made arrangements for my little white car to be towed to a salvage yard. I just cannot thank her enough for all that she did for us!

So June 19 found us back in Lincoln. Only this time, I felt like I was 16 again. I was completely reliant on borrowing my parents car, and I was freaking out about how I would afford a car payment for the first time in NINE YEARS!!!

Throw in the fact that June 20 was Skyler's 5th Birthday - and I'd planned to be AT HOME for it. We were going to go to the Drive In. Have a birthday party with her friends. And then get ready for our next vacation at the start of July. All of that? Out the window!!

My dad suggested I invite her Nebraska Friends (Madi and Taylor) as well as my husbands family to an impromptu party at Chuck E Cheese - which turned out to be FABULOUS!!

Skyler got to celebrate turning 5 with both sets of Grandparents, Her Aunt Katie, Uncle Kevin and Her Nebraska Cousin Jacob (yes, she does ALWAYS call them Nebraska Jacob and Chicago Jacob!)

But, we were still car-less. I had 2 weeks to find a car (and a car loan) and get myself to Colorado to prepare for our Alaskan Adventure! After her birthday was out of the way? I was paranoid. I didn't know how it would all come together. I hate car shopping.

Luckily for Skyler? She got the chance to spend lots of time playing with her friends Madi and Taylor! (Their mom, Krystal, grew up across the street from me and was best friends with my little sister growing up - so it's fun that our families can still have such an awesome connection!)

So while Skyler was having fun with friends and grandparents? I was borrowing cars and driving from car lot to car lot, test driving. I had no idea what kind of car I wanted. (Ok - I did. I wanted a Ford Escape. With a Manual Transmission. Not white.)

June 27 I celebrated my 9th wedding anniversary by going out to dinner with my parents. (My husband was on the road - since he was headed home in a few days for vacation. No big deal - I had an extra margarita!)

FINALLY on July 1? I bought a car!!! A 2006 Hyundai Tucson! It's red, and I love it. LOVE IT. It's perfect. It's wonderful. Even though it's not a manual transmission, I love it. (And it even has the Ryan Seal of Approval!)

We loaded up on the 2nd to head home! We would be home for the 4th of July, join our friends on the River Walk and have a few days to relax before our Alaskan Vacation! It would be perfect. Right?

Of course, it's not that easy.

We made it to Kearney. (About 180 miles.) And we stopped to get some lunch, loaded up the car after lunch and I turned on the engine. There was this loud, grinding, vibrating, horrible noise. (And when I say loud? You could hear it across the street!!)

I shut the car off, called my Dad and cried. He thought I was joking at first - before he realized I was crying.

About a dozen calls later (between my dad, my husband and the dealership where I had just purchased the car.) I headed back to Lincoln - we'd discovered it was the Air Conditioner Compressor and they were going to fix it for me for free. Ryan, my mechanically inclined husband, assured me it was a quick fix and I'd be back home the next day.

WRONG AGAIN!!! They didn't have the part.

I was set to leave for vacation in a few days. I had a flight to catch. In Denver. I had no cool weather clothes, and it's not as hot in Alaska as it is in Nebraska. SERIOUSLY!!! Why can't things go my way??

It turns out, my car wouldn't actually be ready until July 9!! (When I was in Alaska...) So, we spent the 4th of July in Lincoln - where Skyler actually got to play with fireworks! And then rode with my in-laws to Denver to catch our flight.

(The Alaska trip will be another entry - once I edit my photos!!)

Long story short? Left home for a week long vacation on June 6. Finally FINALLY made it home on July 18th!

Turning 30... {Reflections}

All my life, I've heard a lot of people talk about how they struggled with turning 30. For me, it wasn't that way at all. I looked forward to 30. But, I've done a lot of things backwards, and my friends (and husband) are mostly older than me, and always have been. So I suppose it's just something I'd never really feared.

Well, on March 6? The day came and went without so much as a flinch from the universe.

Sure, my family and friends were fabulous! I got flowers, and cookies and wonderful gifts. And Skyler (who LOVES birthdays) was fantastic! (Ryan was on the road - but managed to make sure my day went well anyway! Besides, I'd had him home for Valentines day - which in this life? It's always one or the other for us!)

Skyler and I made a Snickerdoodle Trifle the day before and all the flavors had settled just perfectly by the time we got home from our Wednesday evening church activities! So she helped me light and blow out the candles. And all in all? My 30 birthday was fantastic.

I've spent the last two weeks thinking about my 20's, and all that I accomplished.

I got engaged. Married. Got my CDL and spend four years driving a truck - in which I was able to travel and see many parts of the United States! We went to a Red Sox game, and fishing in Canada (on a lake only accessible by Float Plane!)

As I was coming up on my 25th birthday, I took a pregnancy test in Bozeman MT. We were going to have a baby!! And on June 20? After a nightmare of not thinking Ryan would make it home on time? Skyler was born!

My 20's also brought a lot of self discovery.

I completed 2 "365 Projects" - meaning? My camera was attached to my hip and I took a photo each day. One was entirely self portraits. (Yep, 365 photos of me! EEEK!) And one was a day in my life.  (I will finish my third project in August 2013!)

I also completed a "Day Zero" project. A list of 101 items I hope to accomplish in 1001 days. (I'm now less than a year from completing my second project!)

I created a successful book blog. I became more involved in my local community. (Leading my MOPS group, participating in the Pueblo Newborn Hope luncheon.) I've found a church home that I love. And a group of fabulous friends who I wouldn't trade for anything. I learned to ride a motorcycle (although not very well...)

With all the wonderful things that have happened in the past decade? It hasn't been without it's share of trials.

At 22, a month before my 1st wedding anniversary in 2005, I got a call that my Dad was in the hospital. He'd been relatively healthy, but battling pneumonia that wouldn't go away. Turns out it wasn't pneumonia, but rather a massive heart attack and it was a miracle he was still with us. Ryan and I drove all night to get home to Nebraska, where I stayed for the next month while we awaited an LVAD surgery.

Five months later my world flipped upside down again. My new husband? He left his job of 10 years with Boston Market and was getting his CDL. He was going to drive a truck. A TRUCK?!?! OYE!!

In November he was nearly finished with Truck Driving school in Lincoln and I was visiting for Thanksgiving. The morning before the big day, I was at my parents house. My dad and I were going shopping to prepare for the meal... But the phone rang. They had a heart. Thus commencing an insane dash to gather my family (my mom was in a meeting and un-reachable. My sister was in high school, where they didn't want to let me - her sibling - pick her up without a parent.) Then, just before midnight on the eve of Thanksgiving? We got word that my Dad was out of surgery and had a new heart. Another miracle that I will forever be thankful for.

Just two months after Skyler was born, my Grandmother passed away after a battle with Cancer.

And again, with just a few years left in my 20's? Tragedy struck again. My other grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. She wasn't yet 70. (She's 73 now, and still with us. But Alzheimer's is something I would not wish on my worst enemy.)

So with all the ups and downs of my 20's? I can honestly say I'm a stronger person than I ever could have imagined. I'm sure not where I thought I'd be at 30. But I'm happy with where I am and where I am going. I'm optimistic that my 30's are going to be even better than my 20's! And I can't wait to revisit this post in 10 years to brag about all my fabulous accomplishments of this coming decade!

Review: A Woman's Guide to reading the Bible in a year

As you may know, I run a book review blog. It's been a hobby of mine for almost two years now (although I'm on a bit of a hiatus, as February was crazy busy for me and I got a bit burnt out! But I will be returning soon!!)

One of the great relationships with publishers I've formed is with Bethany House, a Christian Publishing House. They have a lot of "Amish" titles, which I fell in love with when I was driving the truck - so I jumped at the chance to partner with them and review their books! Most recently, they sent me A Woman's Guide to Reading the Bible in a Year: A Life-Changing Journey Into the Heart of God by Diane Stortz  .

Now, reading the Bible has been a goal of mine for awhile (it's even on my 101 in 1001 list!) But it's overwhelming. I mean, where do you start? How much do you read? And more important, how do you forge through the boring stuff?? This book seemed like the perfect opportunity to accomplish that goal, so I jumped in and started!

Let me say, I absolutely love the layout of this book. It's broken down by week, with 7 segments (about 3 chapters a piece) and theoretically should only take about 15 minutes a day! (Hey, I can totally give that - even out of my crazy schedule!)

One thing that sort of shocked me though, it doesn't go in order!! (I've started reading the bible about six times, and each time I get a little ways into Exodus before I set it down and walk away. So I love that you don't read straight through.) So far? The order has gone: Genesis, Matthew, Exodus, Mark... Which I find FANTASTIC! Jumping Old/New/Old/New keeps me intrigued because I don't feel like I'm in a rut.

This book also has guided journaling. (I don't know if you know this, but my name is Jac and I'm addicted to journals! Seriously. Addicted. I love them. And guided? Even better! If you need a gift idea? A guided journal is always a sure bet answer for me!) Sure, the questions are simple "What did you learn?" type questions - but great none the less!

If you are looking for a "plan" for reading the bible? This is one that I would highly recommend! (And I've researched a lot of them, in my desire to reach this goal!)

*I received a copy of this book from Bethany House in exchange for a fair and honest review. The views mentioned in this review are mine, and mine alone.