Jill Rigby has some wonderful points. For example, her comparison between Parent-Centered, Child-Centered and Character-Centered parenting. This is something that I find difficult to keep seperate, and find myself jumping into many different facets of each style. In Parent-Centered, the parent is concerned with molding the child into what they want them to be, in giving them the attributes (publicly) that they want. In Child-Centered, they are giving the child what THEY want. (I have a good friend who is strongly Child-Centered in her parenting, and it's very interesting to see the negative effects of this, especially after having read this book.) Then there is Character-Centered, which seems the obvious answer. Teaching your child to have good character, both privately and publicly. Doing what is right, versus what seems fun, or ideal at the time.
One that really resonated with me was her advice to "Cut out the Maybe" in your answers, and thus saving yourself a day (or even week) long battle. If your answer is yes, say yes. If it is no, say no. You often know in the moment your child asks which way you are going to sway, so save yourself the battle. This is something I am horribly guilty of!
That said? There was plenty I did not believe with her on, as is typically the case with these types of books. (I like to think I have a unique parenting style, and I try to base my decisions on what is best for my child specifically.) But she brings up the Harry Potter series as well, and one of my biggest pet peeves is bringing up that book in Parenting. Why? Because it's a fictional book. FICTION. Make Believe. Not Real. And I am a huge advocate for teaching my child the different between real and pretend - and thus? I strongly feel that the mention of such pretend, made up, fictional literature has no place in a parenting book. (I see that word and I shut down - much the same for many other Hollywood references.) Besides, I'm a book-nerd who has a very special place in my heart for Harry Potter and other like books! (Witches, Wizards, Vampires and Warewolfs are such a fun escape from day-to-day life where my neighbor is just your average annoying old man, and I'm busy running six different directions as I lead up a local moms group, and several activities at church. It's just fun to escape into those things, and I hate the idea of even pretending to deny my daughter that magical escape as well!)
She also talks about the difference between Self-Respect and Self-Esteem. Which to me, was a bit narcissistic. It felt like she was pushing for one or the other, while I see huge benefits to having BOTH in your daily life. Self-Esteem is important, especially in this day of bullying. However, Self-Respect is also important, and I think there needs to be a balance between the two, where the author was encouraging Self-Esteem over Self-Respect.
In the end? I enjoyed Raising Respectful Children, but I'm not sure I would recommend it for everyone. You'd have to be one of two people: Those who blindly follow, or those who read everything with a very subjective eye, and are not easily offended or swayed but open to reflecting on your parenting styles anyway. I found some helpful tips, and was able to re-revaluate a few of my weaker spots in parenting. But overall? Much of her advice just wasn't for my family.
